Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence,

My mother-in-law is the biggest pain who has ever lived.

Her entire existence centers around complaining about and finding fault with everyone and everything in her orbit. Nothing is ever good enough for her; attempting to please her is the very definition of a Sisyphean task. Sadly, she is coming to spend a week with the family in June, which the kids and I are dreading. However, she is also a major hypochondriac. Would it be permissible to fake an illness (or three) to get her to cancel?

—No Desire to Deal With the Cantankerous Crone

Dear No Desire to Deal,

I Am Dying to Un-Invite My Friends From Staying at My Lake House. But Their Flights Are Already Booked. Help! My Family Learned About How We Plan to Conceive Our Child. Everyone Thinks It’s a “Terrible” Idea. Help! My Husband Caught Me Having a Secret Spa Day. Now He’s Questioning Everything. Help! My Friend Keeps Complaining About Her Husband. I Might Tell Him for My Own Sake.

I realize that division of labor in a household is often set up the way it is because of things like work schedules and each person’s strong suits, and it isn’t easy to change. But is there any way you could place your husband in charge of the vast majority of the work around hosting—and pleasing—his mother? If he cooks or orders dinner each night, makes up the guest bed, and schedules any activities, and she hates everything (which it sounds like she will), it might feel less upsetting than having your own efforts criticized.

Another option: Make her disapproval a joke. If your husband is on board with this and doesn’t find it upsetting, start a list in a shared document called “Grandma’s one-star Yelp reviews of our home” and write down all of her complaints. That way, every time she lets you know that she’s displeased, instead of being hurt, you and your kids will smile to yourself thinking of what a good addition it will make to the list.

If neither of those options will work—and if your husband assures you that keeping his mom away won’t fracture his relationship with her in a way that he’ll never be able to get over—you are welcome to have the stomach flu and maybe a little pink eye on the side.

Classic Prudie

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