Kamini Wood was 23 years old when she married a narcissist. 

After 23 more years of marriage, she realized she had missed some major early warning signs. 

Wood and her former partner dated for only six months before they got engaged. 

She told the Daily Mail that when they were dating, there was a lot of manipulation tactics at play, including love bombing (when someone offers excessive flattery and attention without essentially knowing you well enough first) and mirroring (when someone imitates your behaviors to create a false sense of connection).

'Of course, it felt great at the time, and I was unaware of these as signs,' she said, noting that when people feel 'loved' they can often ignore signs as she did.

'But as time passed, there was more gaslighting, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, isolation, tracking of where I was, questioning, being demeaned, and then the "I'll change" hoovering so the cycle would continue.'

Wood said that these behaviors only enhanced as the years went on - especially as her partner's alcohol use increased. 

She explained that it wasn't his actions that raised the flag for her, but rather the person she had become in response.

Kamini Wood was married to a narcissist for 23 years and went on to become a Narcissistic Abuse Specialist after she divorced her husband 

'I was always walking on eggshells, measuring things I said and did, worrying about repercussions of what I said or how I said it, and noticing how much worry, stress, and anxiety I was always holding,' Wood said. 

'I found myself consistently apologizing and being told I was always [misremembering] things or being overly sensitive.'

And because Wood was so exposed to these behaviors, she's developed a level of experience that she's leveraged for her own good - now, she works as a narcissistic abuse specialist at her own practice.

Wood received her training from the School of Trauma Informed Positive Psychology and completed additional education on narcissistic abuse on PESI.

In her role, she helps others heal from this type of trauma and move through it.

'I committed to not being a victim of what happened in my life, but rather to allow it to make me grow and learn,' Wood said.

'And I feel called to help others work through and heal through it.'

In hindsight, Wood said that she would consider her ex-husband a high-functioning narcissist because outside of the home, he acted much differently than he did behind closed doors.  

Wood said that a high-functioning narcissist can appear charming, confident and successful on the surface, but act totally different when alone with their partner. 

High-functioning narcissists can appear charming and confident to the world, but act differently behind closed doors (stock image)

She said while they crave admiration and want to be acknowledged, they rarely recognize their partners' or others' importance. 

There's a lack of accountability and empathy.

'Their empathy feels more like a performance than a genuine connection, called cognitive empathy,' Wood explained. 

'They’re highly concerned with their image and may twist the truth to protect it.'

And when it comes to generosity, it's often transactional and usually only offered when it benefits them. 

'In relationships, they subtly undermine others, making you second-guess your feelings or reality,' she said. 

'They may praise you publicly but criticize or manipulate privately. 

'While they seek connection, it's usually on their terms, with control and power at the center.'

She explained that people usually stay in relationships with narcissists because of deep fear, trauma bonding or low self-esteem.

And this low self-esteem can keep victims from naming their traumas.

'One thing I've consistently observed is that survivors often minimize their experiences at first, they second-guess themselves, they blame themselves, they ask “what did I do that got me here or caused this,” because the abuse was so insidious,' Wood said.

'Many even struggle naming it abuse.'

She blamed society for the stigma against calling an abuser what they are.

Wood also said she noticed the guilt and shame that victims often feel, mostly because they 'allowed' themselves to stay with their abuser for so long.

This mindset can eventually lead to the loss of self-trust.

'Narcissistic dynamics often erode a person's ability to trust their own feelings, instincts, and perceptions, causing a deep loss of self and self-esteem,' Wood said.

 While she was already aware of the incredible strength it takes to leave an abuser, Wood said working with her clients only reaffirmed those feelings.

It's been helpful to remind herself and her clients that healing isn't linear and that the goal is not to 'go back to who they were before' but rather become a new stronger, wiser and more self-connected version of themselves.

'Every story is different, but the common denominator is the resilience it takes to turn survival into thriving,' she said.

The only way to break out of these relationships, she says, is awareness. 

'Once you are aware, you can accept that this is what it is and start to take action,' she said. 

'Action includes seeking support, creating a plan and doing a lot of self-work to give you the strength and courage to leave and, of course, heal.'