For a moment, at around 11.20pm last night, it looked as though the United Kingdom might actually perform respectably in the Eurovision Song Contest. Our entry, What The Hell Just Happened? by girl-band Remember Monday, had already received a smattering of points when the Italian jury awarded us the top “douze points”. Cue mayhem on Remember Monday’s table in the green room.

Alas, our jubilation was short-lived. The UK went on to receive the dreaded “nul points” from the all-important public vote that followed.

We ended the competition in 19th place, far closer to the bottom than the top and below our average (since 2010) of 18th. The winner was Austria with its soaring, apocalyptic track Wasted Love, sung largely in falsetto by an opera singer called JJ.

It’s probably time for Remember Monday to forget Saturday. But why did the United Kingdom do so badly (again)? Here are our six reasons.

The song choice

On the surface, Remember Monday’s song ticked lots of zeitgeisty boxes. In fact, if you fed current musical trends into an AI songwriting machine, What The Hell Just Happened? would probably come out. There was a bit of Charli xcx’s Bratty rebellion in its lyrics (“I’m still in last night’s make-up, broke a heel, lost my keys, scraped my knee”), a dollop of Chappell Roan’s Hot to Go! in its beat, and some Last Dinner Party-like tempo shifts and baroque flair.