Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

My uncle owned an ancient rental property that was falling into disrepair after the last tenants moved out five years ago. After he passed away last year, my wife and I purchased it from my cousin after he inherited it and didn’t want to keep it. Both of us are pretty handy, as we own several rental properties and do most of our own repairs. We were preparing the place for some renovations when we came across a bonanza. I was taking a sledge hammer to a wall in one of the bedrooms when I revealed it.

There is was—a safe. It took some work to remove the safe and get it open, but inside was $150,000 in $100 bills, plus a box with gold jewelry and precious gems. The money dates from the mid-80s through 1990. We looked through everything, but there isn’t any indication of who this stuff belonged to—no names, contact info, nothing.

My uncle acquired the property back in 2000, a decade after the most recent date for the money, so we at least know it didn’t belong to him or any of his former tenants. Upon inspecting the wall, it looks as though whoever owned all that loot installed the safe and then deliberately covered it over. Two questions: one, since my wife and I purchased the property from my cousin, are we under any obligation to tell him what we found, and two, after so much time has passed, do we have any legal responsibility to try and track down whoever all this belonged to?

—Cha-Ching!

Dear Cha-Ching, 

Congrats, you found buried treasure! I’m not a lawyer, so I can’t speak to the legal part of this. You should seek out a lawyer who can, but for now, let’s talk about the moral conundrum.

It seems clear that your cousin had no idea this stash existed when he sold it to you. However, if the money belonged to your uncle, he may very well have intended to pass it onto your cousin along with the building. (I don’t think the money pre-dating your uncle’s ownership necessarily rules out that the stash was his; he could have held it elsewhere and installed the safe when he bought the building.)

So do you tell your cousin? You’re in a pretty murky gray area. It depends on what kind of relationship you want to have, not just with him but with your own conscience. The same goes for trying to track down the original owner, though with zero identifying info, no sign it was stolen, and the fact that it’s been untouched for decades, that’s a bigger project.

In the end, I suppose this means it’s less about what you should do and more about what you want to do—we all make our own moral choices. If the discovery feels like a windfall you’d feel guilty keeping all to yourselves, maybe you and your wife should talk through offering your cousin some of it, even a token. . Maybe you use part of the find to do something generous in your uncle’s memory. Maybe you just use it to fix up the building and keep it moving. There’s no single “right” answer here—just the one that lets you sleep at night.

Whatever you decide, I’d still start with a lawyer. Make sure you know your rights and responsibilities before you do anything else. After that, it’s your call.

Dear Pay Dirt,

Since I’ve been able to afford it, a few years into my working life, I’ve always given $100 when I gave cash gifts, as gift cards or checks or now via Venmo. I’d do this for weddings I attended and, for very close friends, when they had babies. For people I was not as close with, I’d give a gift from a registry, or something I picked out, for a lower value, maybe $50 to $75. This still seems like a meaningful amount of money to me. But maybe it’s not.

I just had a baby, and I couldn’t believe how generous people were with me. Way more generous than I’ve ever been. Friends bought multiple things on my registry (where I’d tried to keep everything under $50), gave us gift certificates and cash in huge amounts, many over $150 and $200. I got huge gift certificates from two different people I’m not even that close with—people it didn’t even occur to me to do anything other than write “Congratulations!” on their Instagram post when they had babies. These are all people who make about the same amount as we do, by the way. Or I thought we did.

I feel like I’ve been horribly stingy without knowing it. Part of me feels like I need to now make up for it by sending extravagant birthday presents to people’s kids or on their anniversaries or something, though I don’t know where this money would come from. What should I do?

—Accidentally Cheap

Dear Accidentally Cheap,

Help! What My Wife Said to a Kid Using Chopsticks Was Mortifying. She’s Always Doing This. I Saw Myself as an Honorary Aunt. Turns Out I’m Actually the Nanny. We Just Had a Baby. My Husband’s Visitation Rules Are Impossible to Bear. Help! My Ex-Wife Insists on Coddling Our Daughter. It’s Led to Dire Consequences.

Gift giving is an interesting social practice. Part of it is about showing our care and affection, but there’s an element of social obligation, too. In this case, you’re worried about the social obligation.

But here’s something that might make you feel better: There’s a big mismatch between the expectations of gift givers and gift receivers. So while you might be worried about your gift being “good enough,” chances are, the person receiving it is just happy you thought about them. As corny as it may sound, it really is the thought that counts.

Plus, most people understand that everyone’s money situation is different. Your friends likely assume you have other priorities you’re budgeting for, and they don’t expect extravagant gifts from everyone. The generosity you received probably reflects their own budget, and it’s not some standard you need to match. Any amount is meaningful.

Put simply, don’t feel like you need to “make up” for anything with lavish gifts in the future. If anything, send some nice, hand-written thank you cards to express your gratitude. The best gifts are thoughtful, not transactional.

—Kristin

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