How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

My husband and I celebrated our anniversary over the weekend, and he gave me a rather unusual gift. We frequently take pictures of ourselves in various states of lovemaking and undress with our phones.

On our anniversary, he brought me into our bedroom and there on the wall hung two blown up pics, one of his erect dick and another of my pussy over our respective sleeping places in bed. They were framed and everything. I’m not particularly comfortable with this. He was extremely proud of himself and thought it was great. How can I persuade him to take them down without hurting his feelings?

—Unexpected Objets d’Art

Dear Unexpected Objets d’Art,

Help! My Husband Found an Envelope Full of Cash. What Happened Next Might Ruin Our Marriage. My Roommate Just Admitted She Has Hated Me For a Year. Her Reason Is Nonsensical. My Wife Is Pushing Her Former Failed Dreams on Our Daughter. I Want to Go Behind Her Back to Put a Stop to It. A Key Feature of My Boyfriend’s Appearance Turns Me Off. He Refuses to Alter It.

You might hurt your husband’s feelings, no matter how carefully and gently you express your discomfort. There is, however, a significant difference between devastating him emotionally and simply causing an unpleasant feeling. Because the two of you are married, you’ll know better what kinds of phrasing and approach he handles best. Think back on other times you’ve had to address a small conflict. What went well? What went poorly? Then use those moments to set yourself up for the least amount of hurt.

While you’re preparing, consider where your own response is coming from. I imagine there might be some concern that a home repair worker or stray family member might see the images, or the kind of vertigo often caused by seeing one’s genitals depicted larger than life. Your own feelings may have to do with something else entirely, but it’ll be useful to understand them, especially in case your husband is curious about why you want these images to come down.

Generally speaking, you’ll want to choose a time when you’re both calm. It also helps to express any genuine appreciation of, for instance, the thought behind the images, or the effort he put into choosing, printing, and framing them. State your discomfort—simply, plainly, and directly—and then give him time to experience his reaction and respond.

—Jessica

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