ON the apps? Then you’ll know they vary wildly in terms of the frequency, clarity and quality of their unsolicited dick pics. Single girl Hannah Tomlinson rates them:

Best for quantity: Tinder

If you want to wander through an endless field of straining erections, running your hands through them wild and carefree, then Tinder is the original and best. Often its users will ghost you immediately after the dick pic, recognising you’ve got what you want now and moving on. And they’re right to.

Best for carefully-shot dick pics: Hinge

A platform for aesthetes, the average male Hinge user knows it’s not what you’ve got, it’s how it’s lit. Often a graduate of film school or bokeh enthusiast, he’s posed his member as dramatically as if it were Colin Firth striding out of a lake. No wonder he’s proud and sharing it within moments of the first hello!

Best for weird dicks: Feeld

Originally for threesomes, there’s an off-putting seriousness about these dick pics. Their owners actually expect you engage with them as penises, not just as a lovely fleshy bouquet presented to a paramour. Still, if you like piercing, tattoos and dinky little bondage harnesses this is the place. One was in a kilt.

Best for sad little relationship dicks: Bumble

It used to be that women made the first move on Bumble, and these are exactly the dick pics you’d expect from that: shyly presented with embarrassment and no real hope of being met with enthusiasm. All these dick pics ask for is grudging acceptance and the chance to father a child then be left alone forever.

Best for quality: Grindr

Now these are the dick pics you’ve been waiting for your whole life. I swiped through in awe, at one point shouting ‘Frame it and put it in the Louvre!’ to an empty room. Athletic, unashamed, battle-hardened and DTF, these dicks spoke to me. But, without the fake profile declaring me to be Gavin of Hoxton, their owners wouldn’t.

Best for spontaneity: Leaving AirDrop open on your iPhone on the Northern line

Romance is about surprise. So what could be more surprising than journeying from Nine Elms to Archway only to find your phone buzzing with a plethora of dick pics? Large, small, white, black, erect or droopy, all penile life is here. Truly we live in an enlightened age.