Get comfy – think before you G-string

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When things move into that blissful, cosy phase in a relationship – when know that, if we do something outrageous like pass wind, the relationship won’t blow apart – the undergarments transition.

"When we feel secure in a relationship, and know being sexually appealing comes from more than what we wear, that we are desired for more than being seen as sexy, we might decide that comfort takes priority,” Professor Mair says.

We are liberated from the itchiness and atomic wedgies associated with G-strings that we tolerated because, well, lust, in favour of still-sexy but more comfortable underwear. Maybe there’s some silky drawers, bright briefs or cute boyleg numbers but there’s no longer the risk of an unplanned colonoscopy courtesy of a strappy red-glitter thong.

Maternity & post-baby

The underwear situation takes a dive when our bodies are full of baby.

Comfort and practicality are the only considerations now. The Big Kahunas of underwear kick in during the post-birth phase; maxi pads the size of surfboards are not easily housed in skimpy intimates, so full coverage is a must.

Maternity bras are the obvious choice because feeding a screaming, starving baby quickly and easily certainly trumps enticing our partners. Also, wearing lace near leaking, swollen breasts and grazed nipples is as unappealing as listening to a five-year-old play the recorder.

Suck it in, ladies

Post-baby bodies wreak lasting havoc on some of us and middle age isn’t particularly kind either so this is the inviting phase of suck-it-in undies.

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We finally have enough energy to get ourselves out of the house and dress up to feel human. However, muffin tops spilling over skinny jeans don’t do much for the self-esteem so praise the shapewear lords as we pour ourselves into those industrial-strength elasticised britches.

Although some view them as a godsend, Professor Mair would like to see more women ditch the shapewear and feel confident about their post-baby bodies. “It’s a pity that women feel ashamed of their bodies showing the natural results of pregnancy and childbirth.”

Acceptance underwear

As our relationships head into the sunny horizon of multiple-decade wedding anniversaries, we often turn to the billowing bloomers worn by our grandmas: "acceptance underwear", as a friend so fondly calls them. They are the undergarments we choose when we finally let our body be what it is, when we no longer obsess over impressing others with our wares. This is a time for underwear that is functional and quality-made. Or maybe we decide this is the phase when we pull out whatever we lacked the confidence to wear in our early years: cue the snake-skin G-strings and lime green crushed velvet bras.

After all her time fitting women for lingerie, Agius has observed that, somewhere between suck-it-in and acceptance undies, “women have an epiphany that sees them deciding they’ll wear whatever the hell they want".

"Women want to accept where they’re at and they want to find underwear that represents that,” she says.

And Professor Mair has a final recommendation: “If it’s not comfortable or you’re wearing it simply to please someone else, I would advise you to think twice about the underwear and the other person.”