Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we’re diving into the Dear Prudence archives to share classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions to Prudie here.

Dear Prudence,

Several years ago I started a good job at a fairly large company in a new city. During work orientation, I met another new employee in a different division, also new to the city. We had a lot in common and we soon arranged to meet for coffee. I was recently out of a painful relationship, and was only looking for friendship.

After a couple more coffees and lunches, I got the vibe that he wanted more. I told him I really liked him and hoped to work together, but just to be clear, I wasn’t interested in dating. He just said “OK.” It was awkward, because he hadn’t even asked, and I wish now I’d said nothing until he clarified his intentions. He avoided me from then on.

Now both of us have been promoted up the ladder. He’s not really my superior, but my career trajectory is veering toward a collaborative collision with his. We’re both now married and have kids. If I pass him in a hall, he smiles and nods, but he hasn’t ever answered the handful of work emails I’ve sent him, and I’ve let that go. I don’t want to get him into trouble by complaining to superiors, especially when I’m not even sure my complaint is reasonable. I’m beginning to fear he wasn’t embarrassed by my rejection, but thought I was accusing him of sexual harassment. How can I fix this?

—It’s Getting Weird

Dear Getting,

It would be weird for you to take this problem to your superiors. Think about how you might phrase such a complaint. You want to gripe that a fellow employee apparently has lousy email management skills (not that you ever bothered to follow up with him). For back story, you’ll have to explain that long ago you had lunch with him a few times, then requested he not ask you out on a date even though he hadn’t. By the time you wrap up this tale, you’re going to be getting some odd looks. However, that doesn’t mean that your colleague is not being strange.

I disagree with your speculation he thinks you were making a sexual harassment accusation because nothing ever happened. My assumption is that he was interested, you deterred him, and he takes rejection badly. Very badly. But it’s long past time you two, who never dated and are married to others, were able to act like cordial professionals. You should take the initiative and go talk to him. Drop by his office and ask if he has a minute—if he says he’s busy, then insist on an appointment. Be friendly and low-key and say it’s been so long since you two talked that you wanted to establish a dialogue because it looks like your work paths are going to cross. Do not bring up your history, just give him the opportunity to act normal. If after that there’s no thaw, then do your best to work around him. Only if his behavior becomes an actual obstruction to you, should you bring this bizarreness to anyone else’s attention.

From: Help! My Father Is Dying of Lung Cancer From Smoking. Didn’t He Get What He Deserves? (Aug. 23rd, 2013). 

Dear Prudence,

Six months ago I landed a good job at a small but lucrative firm. There is one problem. My boss, who’s the highest ranking person there, decided to stick me in his office. I am 2 feet away from him at all times. There are other small offices in our suite, but my boss is notoriously cheap and the word is that he doesn’t want to pay to rent extra space.

Sitting in his office is unbearable. People are in and out all day to discuss things, and otherwise he is on the phone. It is totally distracting. If I print something while he’s talking to someone, or drop something and make a noise, he will stop what he’s doing and give me a look. If I’m searching on the web for something related to work, he’ll peer over and ask me what I’m doing. If I put something in our shared trash can, he will inspect it. When I get up to use the bathroom, he asks where I’m going.

He’s a nice enough guy, but it is just too much to have my boss breathing down my neck all day. I don’t want to quit, but I’m at the breaking point. Should I approach him about having my own space, or is this too pushy and demanding for someone new? Or should I suck it up and be grateful to have a job?

—Too Close for Comfort

Dear Close,

You have to speak up before you snap. I can just imagine the day you rise to go to the bathroom, your boss asks what you’re doing, and in response you relieve yourself in the joint trash can before handing it to him and suggesting he inspect the result. It’s not pushy and demanding to seek an environment in which you can do your work without having every movement and keystroke analyzed.

Sure this is going to be awkward since he apparently likes your Orange Is the New Black cellmate situation. But if you’re miserable and unproductive, then something has to change. So first thing one morning tell him you’d like to have a conversation. Explain you’re thrilled with the job, are delighted to be at the firm, and hope he’s happy with your work. But you are requesting your desk be moved. Explain you’re one of those people who finds it hard to tune out ambient noise, so as he conducts his day you’re constantly having to try to refocus on your tasks. Say that you’re sure you’ll be even more productive if a small space can be carved out somewhere in the suite for you. If he adamantly refuses to consider this, then on your own time in your own space, polish up your résumé. Unfortunate things happen when people reach their breaking point.

From: Help! My Wife No Longer Likes Sex After Her Mastectomy. So I Cheated. With a Man. (Sept. 12th, 2013).

Dear Prudence,

I have a question concerning the etiquette of saving seats for people at events with open seating. I grew up in England where we were taught that such practice was rude and just made it more difficult for everyone. Maybe in America the homesteading tradition means it’s OK to stake your claim. I’m a father with a child in high school, and recently I went to see a musical performance of my child’s at school. I arrived in good time but the bleachers were packed. Finally, in the last row, I tried to sit down, but the woman on the aisle said the entire bench was saved. There was nowhere else for me to go, so I sat down anyway. Then she and several friends of hers started lecturing me and saying I had to move. It got heated and someone said he hoped he didn’t have to call the police! Eventually a couple in the row in front graciously offered to make room for me. Shouldn’t there be a moral obligation to make the best of the situation and accommodate everyone, even if that means moving around or sitting apart?

—Seatless

Nicole Chung Read More

Dear Seatless,

Emily Post’s Etiquette doesn’t mention homesteading, but does declare it’s fine to save seats. I agree, but I think there’s a limit to the number of seats that can be draped with jackets, hats, and other paraphernalia. It’s one thing to have both parents and the grandparents sit together, and obviously small children have to be with their parents.

Help! My New Boyfriend Couldn’t Be More Different Than My Group of Friends. It Spells Trouble. My Daughter Hates Attention From Strangers. But Then She Goes Outside Dressed in Very “Eclectic” Outfits. Help! I Made It Awkward With a Colleague. Now I Want to Make It Worse. Help! My Mom Is Staunchly Against My Engagement. Her Reason Defies All Logic.

But it’s out of line to declare entire benches reserved for your extended clan or your buddies. It’s other people’s responsibility to arrive in time and it is rude to mark off huge swaths of open seating with a designated person taking the role of Cerberus. Especially since you were alone, the woman on the end should have stopped acting as if she were a nightclub bouncer and let you sit. Her family could then either squish in (this is what bleachers are for!), or the latecomers could find their own seats.

If this is a recurring problem, you could go to the school administrators and ask them to announce a policy that people should limit themselves to reserving seats for only their immediate family so that everyone has a chance to find a place to plop down. If the police had been called that would have been quite a crime report: Harsh words exchanged in high school gym over seating for Mamma Mia.

—Emily Yoffe

From: Help! A Cute Guy at Work Pretended to Like Me Just to Get a Good Laugh. (Oct. 31st, 2013). 

More Classic Prudie

My husband achieved professional success and wealth early in life. His work involved long hours and lots of stress, and by his 30s he decided that he wanted out. His accumulated wealth could easily support our lifestyle indefinitely, so he retired about 18 months ago, shortly after the birth of our first child. He has not found anything to do in that time! We have an excellent nanny 40 hours a week, and outside those hours my husband is an extremely involved father. We split the domestic duties roughly 50–50, as before, but now I am the only one working and he says he shouldn’t be “penalized” by having extra domestic responsibilities. So he spends the week dicking around (gym, squash, books, movies, etc.). It’s making me crazy with resentment, especially when I come home from a hard day at work.

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