Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt, 

My partner and I have been together for three years, and I love him very much. We want to move in together. But I’m facing an impossible dilemma.

My current one-bedroom is amazing—great light, clean, no weird fees. Because I’ve lived here for so long, I pay roughly 70 percent of the average one-bedroom rent in our area. My rent is expensive to me, but it’s so much better than it could be. The neighborhood has gentrified around me, it’s by far the lowest rent of anyone I know in a 20-block radius.

But we need a two-bedroom: We both work from home, and I’m a big-time introvert who falls apart if I don’t get space and time alone. Honestly, splitting a two-bedroom here is not going to be much cheaper than my current rent. My boyfriend lives in a rent-regulated studio, but it costs more than my place (although he has amenities that mine doesn’t). Plus, he hates it.

If I give up my apartment to move in with him and then we break up, I won’t be able to afford rent in our area again. If I had to get a new place on my own with my budget, I would need to move into an illegal basement sublet or move to the suburbs.

I know that I need to take a leap of faith that things will work out, but I’m scared of losing housing stability. My previous relationship ended in a cohabitation nightmare. I had to get financial help from my parents to move my ex out. It was awful. How do I either become a better sharer, so we can live together here, or make a good choice about a two-bedroom?

—Leap of Faith, Leap of Budget?

Dear Leap of Faith, Leap of Budget,

Moving is expensive and finding yourself priced out of your neighborhood of choice if this isn’t your “forever” relationship would be doubly difficult. But let’s walk through a few other options before you make a decision about your next move.

What if you keep your apartment and he moves in? One of you then finds a co-working space where you can rent an inexpensive desk area. You can share the cost of the co-working space and you can see how living together feels before giving up your apartment. This might be a more difficult living situation than if you got a two-bedroom, but that could also bring any relationship issues to the surface. Commit to living together in your apartment for six months or a year and then decide if you want to get a bigger place together.

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If that won’t work, and you’re really feeling as though a choice needs to be made, then you and your partner need to have a series of conversations about what issues might come up if you’re living together. Get deep into the details. What issues have come up in other co-living situations you’ve had, either with partners or roommates? What issues have come up in your own relationship that might be exacerbated by moving in? How could these be mitigated? Negotiating the number of free evenings you have, either to spend with your friends or be alone, might be a good place to start. And, then, of course, what does the future look like?

There will always be a risk that your relationship doesn’t work out. But I think if you do your due-diligence before you give up your apartment, you’ll increase the chances of it working out and lower your anxiety about what happens if it doesn’t. And yes, if you give up the apartment, you may have to find a new neighborhood to love. But remember, there’s also an equal chance the two of you will build on your partnership, decamp for parts unknown, and start over again elsewhere, together.

—Ilyce

More Money Advice From Slate

My in-laws died a few years ago, and we received some money, about $12,000, which we used to pay off one car and do some home repairs on our 25-year-old house. However, our two kids received $30,000—each. Gran left each kid a note telling them about their “college fund.” But both kids received full scholarships—even through their master’s programs. Neither one wants a Ph.D. What was my mother-in-law thinking? We couldn’t pay for college? That she doesn’t trust us with money? We’d love to finish our house repairs (repairs—not remodel), plus have a little breathing room.

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