Our eldest daughter was told her cancer was terminal just weeks after diagnosis. Her three young children – only the eldest at school – were her main concern. My wife employed a young woman to house keep for them, our son-in-law got leave of absence from work and our younger daughter took time off as needed. We tried to keep things as normal as possible for the children. For four months we struggled to believe how ill she was as she was so calm and strong and energetic, and then she suddenly became very frail.

We reassured her we’d always be there for her family. That we’d keep her memory alive, especially with the youngest, then just a year old. We even promised to welcome a new partner if her husband “eventually” met someone new. She kissed the children goodbye cheerfully one morning as they went out with their other grandparents and died peacefully half an hour later. We were so glad we were there but shocked it happened so quickly.

After the funeral our son-in-law asked the housekeeper if she’d like to help with childcare, as the children knew her, which seemed sensible. He and our daughter were well insured and the mortgage was paid when she died, as well as a large life insurance policy.

We saw a lot of them, especially at the weekends, and we all comforted the children and each other. Our son-in-law was clearly heartbroken and putting on the bravest face for the children, who were fine one moment and distraught the next. We rarely saw the nanny as she took care of things during the week. She seemed to have all their activities and the house under control and we were glad that the children still had that routine.

Then our son-in-law came to see us without the children. He said he was now in a relationship with the nanny and they were going to get married. My wife was crying but I hid my shock because he was very defensive and I didn’t want any upset. He said the children were happy with her and our daughter had hoped he would marry again.

They had a baby within a year of getting married, soon followed by a second. My wife and younger daughter struggle to accept this, but surely for the children’s sakes we should make his new wife welcome. I want to keep our grandchildren close as well as the two new babies, who are their siblings. My wife and daughter claim she’s an absolute money grabber and swept our son-in-law off his feet while he was grieving and vulnerable. When she says things like “our house” they say that proves it.

At the youngest child’s christening recently and after a drink, my wife made a couple of digs at the new wife’s education, class etc and although I got her out fast I’m worried we’re heading for a blow up. We’ll always miss our daughter but I want my wife and younger daughter to realise that all the focus should be on the children’s happiness.

We shouldn’t be wondering if she “set out to get a wealthy young widower” as my wife keeps saying. Whatever the truth of that, the whole family seems to be happy and close now and we should welcome that, even if hiding our true thoughts. Losing our daughter was unspeakable, but I worry that if my wife can’t welcome our son in law’s new wife we could face losing our grandchildren as well.