When I think back to the time before I tasted Blue Majik, I remember how trusting I was, like a happy baby who has never had spinach before and has no reason to be afraid of it. I should have guessed that this powdered spirulina extract would challenge my palate, but, hey, I’m new at this! And, anyway, the info on the package made it sound great. Not only was this “superfood” organic, non-GMO, kosher, and gluten free, it was also “clinically shown to relieve physical discomfort” and could help me “enjoy an overall better quality of life.” I mean, who wouldn’t want that?

I did exactly what the package told me to do. I sprinkled the powdery blue dust into some water, mixed well, and took a big glug. Then I gagged. Then my lips spontaneously contracted into a painful puckered position, my nose wrinkled, and I said “Gaahhhh.” Then I shook my head back and forth a bunch of times and stuck my tongue out. Then I said, “Wow.” Life’s enjoyment, though surely imminent, had not yet arrived. I figured I should wait passively, so I set the glass down and didn’t touch it again for nearly a week. One morning I came into work and my little office smelled like a slimy green pylon under a rotten wooden dock. At low tide. Guys, it smelled like a Superfund site. The bright blue liquid was now purplish-green, like a nasty black eye, and the surface looked kind of oily. I poured it down the drain, threw the glass in the trash, and pretended that I had never agreed to write this article for Healthyish.

Two weeks went by. My deadline passed. My editor asked me when I would file my text. I made vague promises and tried to distract her by making jokes about procrastination. I looked at pictures tagged #mermaidtoast and #unicornlatte on the internet, many of which angered me. I watched a few spirulina recipe videos on YouTube and tried to figure out why Australians are so into this stuff. Finally, I motivated. "I’m better than this," I said to everyone. I vowed to use every resource available to me (aka the Bon Appétit test kitchen) to find a way to make “powdered superfood extract” taste good. I did it for health, and I did it for algae. Here’s how it went down.

Monday: What not to do

A very minimal amount of research exposed an essential truth: Never, ever drink spirulina plain, in water. No one does that. Popular mix-ins: white chocolate, nut milk, coconut water, coffee. I said "to hell with it" and mixed Blue Majik with coconut oil, salt, chia seeds, flax seeds, and some honey and formed the goo into a little energy ball. It was… fine. I didn’t gag. But I could still detect the bitter fishy seaweed notes, despite the crunchy seeds and sweet coconut oil. Like giving a dog a pill hidden in a scoop of peanut butter, I could get the stuff down, but it wasn’t going to be easy.