Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence, 

My sibling (a male) has always been more feminine. He’s had more friends who are women than guy friends.

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But we felt he was more of the metrosexual type. Two years ago, I saw a very romantic text a man sent him, and he seemed to reciprocate. (He let me borrow his phone, and it came across as a push alert.) He’s about to get married to a woman. He even had a girlfriend in the last two years. Perhaps he is bisexual. Does the future sister-in-law have a right to know? Should we tell her?

—OK to Out the Not Yet Outed?

Dear Not Yet Outed,

The healthy thing to do here is to assume (and I think it’s a safe assumption!) that your brother (until he tells you to call him your “sibling” instead, you should probably just stick with that) and his partner know each other well, that she has observed the traits you describe as feminine and is fine with them, and that they have discussed their relationship history. It’s totally possible that she’s aware that he has texted romantically with a man and is fine with it.

The good news is that you haven’t been assigned to investigate and report on this connection. Could the two of them have problems down the line, related to who they’re each attracted to (or, more likely, who does the dishes at night or whose family they visit for the holidays)? Yes. But most relationships have a problem or two, and people survive and even thrive. Repeat after me, “My brother has found someone he wants to spend his life with, and I’m happy about it.”

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