For a new feature, Prudence asks readers for their thoughts on the letters she’s received. Her reply will be available every Friday only for Slate Plus members. Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

Hey Prudence, 

Re Stepdad in the Southwest: Please don’t keep your daughter from a wonderful experience because her sister is jealous! My own sister and I had a tradition of taking our nephew (an only child) on a “big” and indulgent vacation every year while he was growing up.

We made amazing memories and built a close relationship that exists to this day. Now 48, he has his own son, also an only child, whose mom died when he was 12. We continued the fun vacation tradition with our great-nephew as well, which really helped his grief process.

Then our nephew remarried, and his new wife nixed it. She brought two kids into the marriage and set down a rule that “everyone is equal,” meaning her two kids would be included, or NO ONE would get the vacation. Interestingly, the rule never applied when her ex-husband or his family did fun things with the two step kids; our great-nephew was always left out. This has created animosity within the family, especially between our great0nephew and his stepmom, which was avoidable. Stepdad in the Southwest: Your instincts are correct, honor them!

—Frustrated Great Aunt

Good perspective. And I’m mentally adding an item to my ongoing list of things that should be thoroughly, thoroughly discussed in premarital counseling. Couples who are blending families should figure out what fairness looks like for their kids, long before there’s an expensive opportunity for one child on the table.

Hey Prudence, 

Re Stepdad in the Southwest: I recommend that his stepdaughter try out a one-week sleepover camp by the YMCA or a similar organization. These camps are more affordable and will let you know if she can hack it without the huge expense.

—Tiffany

Good idea! Of course, both kids should go.

Hey Prudence, 

My Colleague Is a Super Fan of a Very Controversial Franchise. And She’s Forcing It on Us All. I Begged My Boyfriend to Tell Me What He Wants to Try in Bed. Oh God, Anything But This. I Just Saved My Wife From Her Wildly Entitled Sister. But Now She’s Angry at Me! This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only Help! We Had a Special Family Tradition. Then Our Nephew’s New Wife Put a Stop to It.

As a lifelong practicing Mormon, I would recommend that “An Unfortunate Secret Ingredient” not worry too much about this situation. I’d say the vast majority of us would laugh this off and not worry about it, but allow for the slight possibility your friend MIGHT be mortified. There is a pretty broad spectrum in how Mormons observe the “Word of Wisdom,” which is our health code specifically prohibiting alcohol, tea, and coffee. I’d say most of us would avoid foods with those ingredients, but many also wouldn’t bat an eye. Beer-battered fish and mocha ice cream are no big deal in my book, and while I may or may not go for the wine brownies specifically, an innocent mistake like this wouldn’t really bother most of us.

I accidentally drank a chai latte when someone assured me it wasn’t black-tea based (ignorance is bliss). After getting smarter about it after a Google search, I was mostly mad it wasn’t going to be a viable option for me, because not only was it delicious, but a lot of us get tired of caffeinated soda as the only “legal” option we have to get our fix!

—The Rule Says “Strong Drinks” Not “Strong Foods”

That’s a great point—the friend might adhere to the rules in a very strict way and might actually be upset. Even so, I hope it’s less of an issue, as you say, if the consumption was unintentional!

Hey Prudence, 

Re Flower Girl Frustration: If she likes flowers, get a planter pot or something and label it with her name! She’s a 7-year-old picking flowers, not stealing lawn equipment or sneaking into the pool. Go to the local plant store, get a pot and some flowers, and make a sign for Flora to pick those.

—Make Flora a Planter Pot

That’s a really cute idea. I love it.

Hey Prudence, 

Re Birth Mom: I am about to celebrate the 1st birthday of my adopted daughter from an open adoption. I just want to tell her that she is being so hard on herself, and I hope she knows that there are so many people waiting who will LOVE that baby and LOVE her in the process. The relationship we have built with our daughter’s birth mom and siblings is one of family, and I look forward to seeing and talking to them.

—Pass It On

Thank you for saying this. It’s not just that she has nothing to be ashamed of; it’s that she’s actually doing something that is going to be wonderful for another family.

Hey Prudence,

Re Knock, Knock, Where’s My Grief?: My grandmother died many years ago, and I, too, was surprisingly sanguine about it. I don’t know why, as we were very close, more so than all of the grandchildren. I chalked it up at the time to having been able to spend so much quality time with her and to having taken care of her during her last few years. I’m sorry about the loss of your grandma. I don’t think anything’s wrong with you. I just think we respond differently in different circumstances. Take care.

—Also Not Shattered

I can imagine this is common, especially for people who’ve had a strong relationship with someone who lived a good life and whose death wasn’t totally unexpected.

Classic Prudie

I never got along with my stepsister, Pam, because our parents married and moved six kids into a four- bedroom house. As the two girls, we were crammed together and constantly fought. We made each other’s life a living hell as only teenage girls can. We are both in our thirties now. I am civil towards Pam, but we have gone years without speaking directly to each other. She did invite me to her wedding, but I declined as I was in grad school. Now, my partner and I are expecting twins.