Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

My brother has finally woken up and left his ex after seven years together. No one was allowed to say anything to her two toxic teenagers, no matter how lazy or rude they acted around our family. I think I can count the number of times they said thank you with one hand and have fingers left over. My family tried hard to treat them as family—included them on trips, tried hard to follow their interests, and gave them gifts equal to the other cousins. We were constantly rejected, and their mom never corrected their behavior. It came to a head last year when they were caught filming and making fun of my disabled uncle and posting it online. Their mother wouldn’t even take away their phones, and it caused the final rift in the relationship with my brother.

I never had kids, so I have been putting away money for college for all my nieces and nephews—including these two kids. Still, it surprised me when the oldest contacted me to ask about “their” money. They are graduating this year, but no one but my brother has spoken to them in months. I told them there was no money and hung up. Then my ex sister-in-law called, howling about the 529 plans I had set up for her kids way back when. I told her that I was ending their individual plans and transferring the money to the other kids. She claimed that her kids were poor, perfect angels and had never been given a chance by us. I retorted that family doesn’t do things like what they did to my uncle. Seventeen and 15 are old enough to act right. She made more excuses, so I told her to go ahead and lose my number.

Now my brother is mad at me. They are in the final stages of the divorce, and his ex is digging her heels in and putting the blame on me. We have a family milestone coming up, and I am concerned he will make a big deal about it. This has been the pattern of his entire marriage, where he let his ex and her kids walk all over him and expected us to do the same. I am sick of it, but it is still happening. Help!

—Tried to Be a Good Aunt

Dear Tried,

It sounds like this is just going to take some time. You don’t have to justify what you do with your money. Even if you had a solid relationship with your nieces and nephews, they’re not entitled to your funds. You simply don’t owe anyone an explanation. Your brother might be taking out his frustrations on you. This divorce sounds anything but amicable, and navigating all of that negativity is likely fueling his anger.

My Colleague Is a Super Fan of a Very Controversial Franchise. And She’s Forcing It on Us All. I Begged My Boyfriend to Tell Me What He Wants to Try in Bed. Oh God, Anything But This. I Just Saved My Wife From Her Wildly Entitled Sister. But Now She’s Angry at Me! This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only I Was OK Subsidizing My Cheap Friend. But Then He Dropped a Bomb on Me.

If your brother continues to make a big deal about your decision, you can let him know that you have sympathy for what he’s going through, and you’re there if he wants to talk about it, but the 529 topic is not one you’re willing to discuss. If he won’t respect that and drop the issue, you might need to give him some time and space. Step away from the situation to let him process it all. It’s probably hard not to bring up the cruel way the kids treated your uncle, but it doesn’t sound like there’s any hope for them to make amends. For the sake of keeping the peace, I would avoid bringing it up in conversation while you wait for things to cool down, because it might just fan the flames. But the approach here is a pretty simple one: Show your brother support, set your boundaries, then stick to them.

Divorce is tough, even when it’s the best path forward. Everyone involved, from your former sister-in-law to her children, is undoubtedly having a hard time with it. It sounds like you’ve gotten caught up in the storm. Eventually, though, the dust will settle, and I’m betting your brother will come around. For now, stay out of it as much as possible.

—Kristin

Classic Prudie

I have been dating my girlfriend for three years. She is wonderful, intelligent, caring, and independent. I love her more than anything and hope to spend the rest of my life with her. I am committed to working through any difficulties with her, but I am having a horrible personal failing in one area of conflict: my girlfriend rescues animals. She is a registered foster with a local non-profit and also rescues any critter she finds in need. She has eight cats and three dogs, and a virtual menagerie of other animals has passed through her house (hawk, baby raccoon, injured mice, injured birds, livestock, etc).