Dear Jane,

I'm 21 years old and don't have any siblings, but I'm very close with my parents.

Friends and family have always made remarks about how I don't look anything like either of them. They both have dark hair and brown eyes, while I have blonde hair and blue eyes.

The jokes are as you'd expect: that I'm adopted, or that I was switched with another baby at birth. 

I've always known the jokes weren't true - but I've also always been fascinated with ancestry. And a few weeks ago, I ordered a DNA kit to find out more about my background.

I still live with my parents and have nothing to hide, so when it arrived I immediately showed it to my mother.

Her reaction was bizarre. She didn't say anything at all and quickly disappeared upstairs to her room.

A few hours later, she emerged and said she had to tell me something.

She confessed that she'd had a brief affair with a colleague at the beginning of her marriage and that, therefore, my dad isn't my biological father.

She insisted that, as soon as she found out she was pregnant, she broke it off and was never unfaithful again. And she really did hope that my dad was the biological father. But the older I got, the clearer it became to her that he wasn't.

He, however, knows nothing - and she begged me not to tell him. But I now feel like I'm lying to his face whenever I see him.

Not only that: but now that I know he's not my biological father, I'm curious about who is. I love my dad so much, but I have an urge to reach out to this other man and learn more.

I must admit I'm also feeling angry at my mother for being unfaithful, for lying to my dad about it, and then asking me to lie about it too.

Should I tell my dad the truth? And is it wrong for me to want to find my 'real' father even though my dad has given me such a good life?

From,

DNA Disaster

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column

Dear DNA Disaster,

You have discovered something seismic, and while I'm sure you feel overwhelmed right now, I know many people who have been through the very same thing and have, eventually, felt enormous relief. 

A positive here is that your sense of being somehow different from your parents is finally explained. 

However, a negative is that your mother has put you in an awful situation by asking you lie.

It is not your job to be the keeper of anyone's secrets, that is an enormous burden that no one should carry.

This mess was not your making, and it's certainly not yours to clean up. 

By confessing, your mother has only passed her guilt onto you. I don't think you should discuss this situation with her further. 

Your mother's infidelity and how she chooses to deal with it is up to her. Your only job now is to protect yourself and to be truthful. 

So, assuming you sent off the DNA test, when you get the results back, sit down with both your parents and be honest about what you have learned. Your mother will have some explaining to do and you need to let her. 

I can't say for certain how your dad will react. He may recognize that your mother was young and made a terrible mistake, and he could be willing to work through it. 

Regardless of the outcome, I completely understand your natural wish to know who your real father is, and I think that you are fully entitled to explore this part of who you are.

But know that the man who raised you will always be your dad, irrespective of biology.

Dear Jane,

I'm 18 years old and work at an upscale restaurant as a hostess.

My co-worker, who is 21 and a waitress, recently confessed that she's found a way to scam our customers out of money.

We don't have portable card machines, so all checks have to be paid at the cash register in the kitchen.

Every time she takes a customer's credit card to the back to pay the bill, she takes a picture of it with her phone so she can use it for online shopping.

She told me she 'only ever spends $100 on each card,' so it's unlikely she'll get caught. 

I know that this girl comes from a rough background and doesn't have much money. She works long shifts at the restaurant most days. 

Meanwhile, our customers are very wealthy - they have to be to afford our menu.

I'm not saying what she's doing is right, but I can see how she is justifying it.

I don't know what to do. I obviously think she needs to stop, but she is older and fiercer than I am and won't listen to me.

I certainly don't want to get her fired, or in trouble with the police - but I fear that's where she'll end up anyway if I don't stop her.

From,

Wicked Waitress

Dear Wicked Waitress,

Ultimately, if your co-worker is caught scamming customers, which I'm certain she will be, it will be damaging not just to her, but to the entire restaurant. 

It's natural that you want to protect her, and I can see why you don't want to get further involved.

But, the very fact that you have written in tells me you already know the right thing to do.

Nobody wants to be the messenger that gets shot, but she is breaking the law and harming her employer. Her 'justification' that she is 'only' spending $100 per card is ridiculous. You never know how hard someone has worked for that $100.

This has to stop.

There are millions of people who come from challenging backgrounds. The vast majority of them do not steal. 

Her behavior is wrong, however much she tries to justify it. You know it, I know it and, deep down, I'm sure she knows it too. 

As hard as this may be, you need to inform your employer.

You can certainly request that they don't tell her that you snitched, but turning her in is the ethical thing to do.