Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

When my wife and I go out to dinner with her brother and his wife, they frequently order the most expensive items on the menu and more than a few drinks (my wife and I don’t drink) and then insist the check be divided equally. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law make just as much as we do, if not a little more. I have spoken to my wife about this more than once, but each time she has told me just to go along with it because “we can afford it and it’s easier than starting a fight.” I decided that I was through being taken advantage of, with or without my wife backing me up.

The next time we were out with them, I excused myself to use the restroom and told our server my in-laws would be paying separately. When the bill came, my BIL and SIL were peeved but grudgingly paid their tab. On the drive home, my wife asked if I knew anything about it. I told her what I did and now she’s mad at me for upsetting them! Please tell me I acted correctly.

—Dined and Whined At

Dear Dined and Whined At,

I can’t, because you didn’t. I get what you were trying to accomplish, but telling the server secretly that you wanted separate checks was the height of passive-aggressive behavior.

Yes, your in-laws may have been taking advantage of you. But the adult way to address it would be to either have a grown-up conversation with them about it, or listen to your wife and let it go because you can afford it and the relationship is important enough to her that she’d rather not make waves. Instead, you went directly against your wife’s wishes just so you could get your in-laws to pay their fair share. You were jubilant. You won! But, what exactly was your reward?

The fallout is that you’ve potentially damaged your relationship with your in-laws and made your wife mad. Not sure that was the prize you had in mind. The thing to do now is to apologize to your wife, and the next time you go out with your in-laws, pick up the check—no matter what they order.

And in the future, if you plan to have an adult conversation about splitting the check, it should come ideally as you’re sitting down for dinner, or even before, when plans are being made. Say: “My wife and I aren’t drinking right now. Shall we do separate checks?”

Dear Pay Dirt,

My husband and I are in our early 40s with no kids. Our house is 30 years old and we’ve lived here for 14 years. Everything is builder grade. Our household income is around $140,000, and we have about $75,000 in a cash savings account, plus around $30,000 in investments, and we have additional retirement accounts and life insurance. Besides the mortgage, we have a car payment and a small student loan payment.

I’m sick of our kitchen (it’s functional, but worn and dated) and really want to replace all the surfaces, plus the rest of the first-floor flooring. Early estimates are a minimum of $60,000. So now I’m second-guessing my plans to pay cash for the whole thing, but I also don’t want to add unnecessary debt to the pile. I assume the price of renovation is not going to go down any time soon, but is this the time? Am I out of my mind to leave us such a small cash buffer? I know home equity loans are an option, but that seems unnecessary to me when we do have the money. Any thoughts?

My Friend Keeps Doing a Really Awful Thing in Front of Our Kids. I Need This to Stop. Help! I Can’t Believe the Very Strange Pet Names My Boyfriend and His Teen Girls Use for Each Other. This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only I Have a $15 Million Estate and a Year Left to Live. My Son Is Going to Be Furious About My Plans for the Money. I Work in the Business of Helping People Find Housing. One Colleague Is Absolutely Cold-Hearted About What We Do.

—To Renovate or Not to Renovate

Dear to Renovate or Not to Renovate,

I think the global economy is too unstable at the moment to use up all your available cash on a home improvement project. One of you could wind up losing a job, or something else could pop up and you’ll want to have some cash that’s easily accessible.

Instead, consider taking out a home equity line of credit (HELOC). That way, you can draw down your line of credit as you need it. You’ll only pay interest when you do. I assume you’ll be continuing to save money, right? So, by the time your project is done, aim to have saved enough to pay off your HELOC, or at least three to six months’ worth of cash to cover essential expenses (mortgage, insurance, transportation, utilities, food, etc.).

I do wonder why you still have a small amount of student loan debt outstanding. If it truly is small, start making double payments to get rid of it faster. Not only will you save some interest, but that will free up more money for your project or your savings.

—Ilyce

Classic Prudie

My girlfriend had a nose job done three years ago at my request. (I did not pressure her.) Tragically, the procedure went wrong and her face was disfigured. We stayed together throughout this and I covered some of her legal and medical bills and did my best to support her emotionally. For the past year, however, I feel like I’m with her out of guilt more than anything.

Never miss new Advice columns The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.